Late Night Celebrates the First American Pope

Television|Late Night Celebrates the First American Pope

“We have the first American pope. And let me just say, as an American, are you sure about this? We don’t really have the gravitas that you associate with pope-iness. We’re less ‘somber procession’ and more ‘monster truck rally.’” — DESI LYDIC

“I just think it’s just a little bit weird that the holiest man in the world probably knows all the words to the Chili’s ‘Baby Back Ribs’ song.” — DESI LYDIC

“The Pope Mobile is now a Ford F-250 with truck nuts.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“You can tell he’s American ’cause he stepped out on the Vatican balcony and said, ‘New pope, who dis?’” — JIMMY FALLON

The Punchiest Punchlines (Another Leo Edition)

“They make him pick a name. He chose Leo XIV, which is a shame because there have been 13 other Leos. We’ve never had even one Pope Bob, which would have been pretty great.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“How have there been so many popes named Leo? Leo doesn’t even sound like a Pope name. Sounds more like the altar boy who got high and ate all the communion wafers.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Yep, he may be the new pope, but to his friends back in Chicago, he’ll always be ‘Bobby Bratwurst.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“From now on, the pope is going to sound like this. [imitating Chicago accent] Hey, dere, it’s yer buddy Leo, the deep dish papa. Just talked to God, and not even he can help da White Sox. Sorry. First order of business, I will be canonizing Michael Jordan. Now let’s end by saying daaa prayers.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Bits Worth Watching

The Colombian superstar Shakira played “Box of Lies” with Jimmy Fallon on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”