Late Night Sums Up Day 2 of the Shutdown

Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.

The ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ of Government Shutdowns

Thursday marked the second day of the government shutdown.

“No one has any idea how long it will last,” Jimmy Fallon said. “People are calling it the ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ of government shutdowns.”

“Right now, the government has no funding and no clear path forward. We’ve basically become the United Red Lobster of America. It’s, like, ‘Are we open? Are we open? Are we not? We don’t know.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“If this does last awhile, I think they should at least make it fun for the rest of us, right? I mean, how about for each day of the shutdown, they release one name from the Epstein list?” — JIMMY FALLON

“Services are closed, federal workers are going without pay. Things are so rough, Uncle Sam is already selling feet pics.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“You know what they say: When God closes a food-inspection program, he opens a Listeria outbreak.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Punchiest Punchlines (Shutdown Day 2 Edition)

“It’s Day 2 of the shutdown, and only the most essential services are still operating: Social Security, Medicare and that department that makes up causes for autism.” — RONNY CHIENG

“It’s so bad that Jerry Nadler had to cut back on his diaper service, Hakeem Jeffries had to pawn his sombreros, paychecks are no longer being sent to Rashida Tlaib’s team of electrologists and, since there is no funding, they just repossessed the thing on top of Maxine Waters’ head.” — GREG GUTFELD

“But this is nice — to raise some extra cash, the Secret Service is using Joe Biden’s car as an Uber.” — GREG GUTFELD

The Bits Worth Watching

Jon Stewart made a surprise appearance on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” as part of his side hustle.