Standing Date

When I finished Samin Nosrat’s story in The Times this week about her weekly dinner ritual, I felt envious, as I imagine many readers did. Inspired by dinner parties she attended at a particularly gracious host’s home — “when the Castelvetrano olives appeared, we’d all instinctively put our phones down” — she created her own ritual: a regular Monday night meal with friends. The dinners have provided her with much more than company and sustenance. “I’ve learned that if I let other people care for me, they will. I’ve learned how it feels to build something sacred with people I love,” Samin writes. She and her crew refer to the Monday dinner as their religion.

How could one not feel a pang, reading of such easy communion! Who wouldn’t want a regular “oasis of time” with a group of pals, a little party to look forward to every week? For me, the envy is of a frustrated sort, not because this type of ritual seems out of reach, but precisely because it feels so accessible. Pick a day, invite some friends, make a menu, here we go. Samin even provides a guide for how to make dinner parties a habit. What’s stopping any of us from creating our own weekly supper club?

During the most isolated days of the pandemic, people would talk about all the socializing they planned to do once they could convene again. Oh, the parties they’d throw, the togetherness they’d never again take for granted! But in the past few years, for some reason, gathering groups together has felt more difficult. When I consider hosting a dinner, I sense a friction that wasn’t there before.

Is it me, still rusty at entertaining? Is it my social circle, so busy it seems we’d never be able to commit to even one date to dine together, never mind once a week? My gut tells me that after years of growing accustomed to living our lives online, our devices have even more of a hold on our time than we acknowledge.

Once, a night at home contained the possibilities for a limited number of leisure activities — watch TV, watch a movie, read, perhaps play a game. When you made plans to go out, you had a clear sense of all the things you were leaving at home. It was a finite and familiar set of things to weigh against all the possible delight of a night out with friends.

We are now able to divert ourselves so completely with our devices that a night spent at home feels as if it offers infinite dimensions. We can watch a movie, any movie, while chatting with multiple friends, looking at other friends’ vacation photos, oh, and also paying bills and shopping for new shoes and catching up on the news. We might not consciously say “I can’t go out — I need to stay home and look at my phone,” but a night at home doesn’t feel quiet and boring in the same way. Plus, when we’re in touch with our friends electronically all day long, seeing them in person feels a bit less urgent. While we might muse that we want more real-life connection, we don’t always pursue it, or even jump at the chance to grab it when it invites us in.

Samin’s dinner is not unlike Shabbat dinner, a tradition I’ve participated in and adored but never established as a mainstay of my week. Weekly commitments can be hard for busy people to set up: I have friends who recently moved into an apartment across the street from my office. “Regular Monday dinner?” my friend proposed. “Of course!” I replied, thinking, What do I have going on on Mondays? It turns out we all have a lot going on every day of the week. Our dinner ritual has yet to manifest.

The secret, I think, is prioritization. You won’t stick to a standing date unless you declare that this activity is important to you, so important that you’re going to decline other spontaneous invitations that arise. You’re not going to schedule a dentist appointment or sign up for a Spanish class on that evening. The desire alone isn’t enough. There has to be purpose and conviction: I want this kind of community in my life, and I’m going to reorient my week to accommodate it. And then, of course, you have to identify kindred spirits committed to doing the same. Despite the obstacles, I’m going to try to make it happen. Won’t you join me?

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The Courts

• The top federal prosecutor in Eastern Virginia quit after President Trump called for his ouster. He said he hadn’t found enough evidence to bring charges against Letitia James, the New York attorney general who oversaw a sexual abuse case against Trump.

• The Trump administration asked the Supreme Court to let it enforce an anti-transgender measure that says the sex on someone’s passport must match an original birth certificate.

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More Politics

• The S.E.C. dropped enforcement cases against three men pardoned by Trump, possibly sparing them hundreds of millions of dollars in penalties.

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• Robert Redford, who died this week at 89, made no secret of his disdain for Hollywood pomp. But the industry loved him, despite — or perhaps because of — his outspoken beliefs.

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• Why is Austin’s comedy scene booming? For one thing, the city is cheaper than Los Angeles or New York. But comics say there’s also an ideological freedom there that appeals to them.

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Video Games

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CULTURE CALENDAR

🎤 “Am I the Drama?” (Out now): It has been seven years since Cardi B released her Grammy-winning debut album, “Invasion of Privacy,” and around five years since “WAP,” her explicit and paradigm-shifting collaboration with Megan Thee Stallion. Cardi has, however, found a way to remain relevant as one of the funniest and most charming figures in rap. She’s an all-around good time in her music and, seemingly, in life — a people’s princess, if you will. (See the glowing online response to her recent quips on the witness stand.) Now she’s back with her second album, which is stacked with guest appearances by Janet Jackson, Selena Gomez and other artists. Expect more catchy hooks and quotable bars.

RECIPE OF THE WEEK

Red Wine Honey Cake

The Jewish High Holy Days start on Monday, which means now is the perfect time to bake a honey cake to celebrate. If you’ve always thought that classic honey cakes were cloying, try my very untraditional red wine honey cake instead. The acidity of red wine tempers the honey’s sweetness, while warm spices and fresh ginger round out the flavor. Plus, you don’t need a mixer to make it. It stirs together easily with a whisk and bakes up light and tender, ready to serve with some fresh plums or berries as you toast a happy, healthy new year. L’shana tova!

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36 hours in Zadar, Croatia: The 3,000-year-old port, surrounded by an archipelago and the Velebit Mountains, is an amalgam of architecture from a parade of past residents.

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ADVICE FROM WIRECUTTER

How to find a perfect suit

As I was recently reminded during my quest to find the best men’s suits, few garments are as intimidating to shop for. They’re expensive, they come in dozens of variations and there are vanishingly few reliable resources. A few tips can help. Start with a clear goal: Does your wardrobe call for a formal suit, or will something casual suffice? This can help you pick between various cuts, styles and tailoring options. Speaking of, don’t skip the tailor: Even if you could get away with wearing a standard-size suit just as it is, there’s a good chance you would still benefit (immensely) from having it tailored. Finally, take it slow. A proper suit is a true investment piece, and if you choose right it can be worn and enjoyed for a long time. — Mitch Moxley

Azerbaijan Grand Prix: Formula 1 is both a team sport and an individual sport. Each team has two drivers, who race to earn points for their teams and themselves, and champions are crowned in both categories. As you might imagine, competing against your own teammate can lead to some awkwardness.

McLaren is far and away the best team this year, but its drivers — Oscar Piastri and Lando Norris — are in a tight battle for the individual title. During the last race, team officials ordered Piastri to let Norris pass him. Piastri obeyed, and Norris won. Both teammates said they were OK with the call. But if it happens again, and Norris overtakes Piastri in the standings, that team spirit may be put to the test.

Sunday at 7 a.m. Eastern on ESPN

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